Mind Your Language
I’ve had some good times since I joined Haydock Choir
And no doubt many more there will be.
But the one episode which to tell I ne’er tire
Occurred when we toured Germany.
Of that one trip alone, I could write a full book
And some day I may well do so.
But on this occasion suffice if I took
The incident concerning Joe.
Now most of the choir speak the broad northern way
Although some southern accents do boast.
But regarding the former, it’s perhaps true to say
That Joe speaks much broader than most.
It occurred on that memorable evening,
We were guests at the Cannstatt Bier Fest.
Where, for our lot the food and the first drink was free.
After which we’d to pay like the rest.
Well, we all settled down in this massive marquee
And the beer was the real German stuff.
We sang to a band as we downed it with glee
And we soon knew that we’d had enough.
The beer was served up by girls of large size
And to say they were big is no jest.
For we heard, if at work they should chance to demise,
They carry them out, four abreast.
It was after a while that a few of our troupe
Decided to wander around.
And when they returned told the rest of the group
Of an Englishman whom they had found.
“Weerisee?” asked Joe “Hey is thatim oer yon?
Aye amust se ilooks one of us.
Hey athinks as al goon ave a tawk to the mon”.
Which he did, and he spoke to him thus.
“Nethen mi owd cocker, an weerst tha cum from?
Ast arr tha sin out like this eer?
Ast sin them theer wenches? nowt like um awom.
By gum this is blummin good beer”.
The man looked perplexed, and then raising his hand
As if to start preaching a sermon.
He said, “Sorry old chappie, I don’t understand.
You see I nicht sprechen the German”.
George Anderton - October 1975